Post by buckingham são haze on Jul 5, 2010 22:10:11 GMT
`BUCKINGHAM são HAZE
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the world is at your command[/font][/color][/b][/i]
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buck , thirty-four , ancient runes , dev <3
wise, straight, neutral [/color]
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the girl with kaleidoscope eyes[/font][/color][/b][/i]
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[/color]Every morning I stare into a mirror. It's so smooth, I always want to touch it and see if my hand will dip into it and the surface will ripple like water. Every morning, my appearance changes. I get older. I get more wrinkles. Every second that passes, I'm closer to death, I know most people don't think like that; their time is ticking towards the end of class, the end of the day, the beginning of lunch, the beginning of October. A beginning. An end. I just think of it as the end of life, and the beginning of something else. But right, right. My reflection. Dark scruffy hair that I know most of my fellow faculty members are just dying to cut it for me. Mud brown eyes. Everyone says it in such a bad way, but I think mud is rather nice. I had plenty of fun when I was younger in mud, I think people are just afraid of the color brown for some reason. I had facial hair. I don't believe that you should take away something that your body is naturally giving to you. As a child, I remember many of us were looking forward to growing facial or chest hair, a sign that we had then entered manhood. And once we had it, everyone was shaving it off. I don't understand it, really. But I don't understand a lot of things, so it's not surprising. I'm thin, almost repulsively so, and I have some tattoos. I'm not one for too much order, but somehow I ended up with some sort of symmetry for my tattoos. Two suns, four lines on both my upper arms, and some smaller ones on the inside of my upper arm. I'm not very tall either, at least for a man. Perhaps 1.8 metres. In sum, I'm hairy and thin, and not worth any sort of physical attention.
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living is easy with eyes closed,
misunderstanding all you see [/font][/color][/b][/i]
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One day, I took a trip. It wasn't the kind you think of. It was one with fantastic colors and ideas, shapes and things, and lastly, euphoria. It was so beautiful, I was so beautiful, she was so beautiful, everything was so beautiful. I had never felt so at peace with myself, never felt so awakened. It was 1988. I was fifteen years old, and I had become a new person. Nerina had been with me then. We were fifteen together, and tripping together. Tripping hard and fast, and it was good. It was great. It was better than anything we had experienced before, because now we were experiencing enlightenment together. See, when I was in school, I was sorted into Ravenclaw. I wanted to be in Hufflepuff, because yellow is my favorite color, but the hat gave me Ravenclaw instead. I didn't think it really fit; most of them were all a bunch of brains, and I? What did I know about school? I had always thought magic was a rainbow after a rainstorm, or a spider's web that was absolutely perfect. I never thought there was real tangible Harry Houdini magic. But I guess it was because I was so ready to be enlightened. I loved to learn, but not about all that other stuff. Oh sure, it was rad. I loved it. But I was always more concerned with my spiritual learning rather than my school studies.
I married Nerina when I was seventeen, fresh out of Hogwarts. It was a rushed wedding, but she wasn't pregnant. Well, I didn't know she was pregnant then. I just thought that she was as excited to share her life with me as I was. It's okay though, I know she was excited, too, she just had some other things on her mind too. I think she was surprised that I was angry, but I wasn't. I s'pose I'm pretty laid back about most things. What's the use of getting stressed over something that's going to happen anyways? I helped create that baby, and I was getting what I wanted anyways. I knew I was going to marry her the moment I saw her. Call it intuition, call it crazy. But it happened. I loved her so much, my soul hurt with it. Not with the love, but with the pressure of it. There was so much of it, I didn't know how my body could contain all of it. Why hadn't I exploded into a thousand shards of light yet?
Nerina died before the baby was born. She liked to walk outside of our house at night and catch fireflies. She could have gotten them from the porch, but she always said the best ones were the ones farthest into the dark. Their light couldn't save her. They said that they couldn't save the baby, that the bite marks were right on her womb. And that Nerina wouldn't live the night, the bites wouldn't even turn her into a werewolf. She had lost too much blood. It's a funny thing, we wizards. We think we're so invincible, with our wands and our spells and our magic. But such a silly little thing as blood has mattered so much in everything. Purebloods, Halfbloods, Muggleborns. Half-breeds. Vermin. Mudbloods. We think we are rulers of everything, even of other humans themselves. But blood still rules us, and it still says who can have life, and who no longer can. I was devastated during that time. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want to think. I certainly didn't want to feel. I didn't want to live. I had lost all joy I had ever felt in my life. My parents tried to comfort me, but it just..I couldn't feel their love. I couldn't feel anything anymore. I think Dumbledore felt bad for me during that time. He said I could live at the castle, that one of the old teaching posts had been empty since before I was in school, and that I could just turn that into my room. I was fine with that. I gathered my things, gathered some of Nerina's things, and gathered what would have been the blanket we made for our baby. I left, and I didn't look back. I wanted to, so much. So badly. But if I did I would never leave, and I would still be the self-loathing, guilt-ridden, drunk and angry sod I was then. I've healed in the ten-odd years since.
But I'm still afraid to love.
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all the lonely people, where do
they all come from?
all the lonely people, where do
they all belong? [/font][/color][/b][/i]
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I was born in Liverpool, England. Surprise, surprise. I was named after Lindsey Buckingham, one of the members of this band, Fleetwood Mac. My mum was from across the pool, and she loved them. Maybe she could feel who I was going to be inside. Maybe she knew I was going to turn out something like him. Maybe she hoped I would. My middle name, São, means 'saint' in Portuguese. I don't know why that's my middle name, but it's nice I guess. I don't really mind. It's just a name, right? What's the point of middle names, anyways? Are they just there to take up space? Did people use all three names in another time? Was the middle name the name the person wanted to name themselves as opposed to what they had originally been named? Too many questions, I know. Haze is my last name. It's English. I don't know too much about it, except that it sounds pretty cool.
My childhood was nothing to be envious over. I had loving parents, lived in a small home, with both Mum and Dad working to support us. It was only us three, I forgot what happened, but Mum couldn't have kids after me. It was just a regular life, really. Most kids in my area got really influenced by the punk movement. I liked it for a bit too, but I liked the psychedelic era more. Mellow music that inspired room for free expression and thought, to be yourself, to love, to be peaceful, to expand your consciousness. It was the sort of music that I was born into, and that I accepted wholeheartedly.
In school, I was sorted into Ravenclaw. That night was a total daze. The year in fact, was a totaly daze. Who knew, that I was actually magical? I'm sure you can guess now that I'm muggle-born. I wasn't very talented at anything in school except all the classes everyone thought were rubbish. Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures, Divination, Ancient Runes, and of course Muggle Studies. I was rubbish at everything else, especially quidditch. Everyone loves it so much, but I never found myself getting caught up in it. Maybe it's because I was jealous that the broomstick wouldn't work with me. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of heights. Maybe I'm paranoid about a stick between my legs that could jerk and buck at any moment and hurt my genitalia. I don't know, there's plenty of possibilities, but I was never good at it.
After graduation, I got married to Nerina Quirke. I think that's all I'd like to say about Nerina here. I don't like to think about the sad parts too often.
I lived at Hogwarts for five years before I became a teacher. The old teacher for Ancient Runes passed, and the only real requirement for teaching it was an O in the class for both O.W.L.S. and N.E.W.T.S. And of course, I did, so Dumbledore came to me. I didn't want to do it. I wanted to stay in my stupor, and just die alone and miserable in that room, but I couldn't deny him. He had given me refuge and never asked questions, and now he needed me. So I accepted, and I've been teaching ever since. I think I've even grown rather fond of my post. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy. That's probably it. That's usually it.
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take these broken wings
and learn to fly[/font][/color][/b][/i]
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[/justify][/size][/color]my name is vii, and i play buck. i also play daphne/noah/sébastien. i’m alien, and i’m in theflorida time zone. if you need to contact me please use your breast milk oh, i forgot to mention, it's midnight and i have to present a project tomorrow. D:. now that you know me and my character are totally awesome, let me let you read this application in peace.
[/color][/center]this application was made by kim of `nox! don't steal or she'll stick her manwhore draco on you(; && credit to the beatles for the lovely lyrics!
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